so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
