he thought i was a dude.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Pooping to opera.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
