And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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