I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
