Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
