K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
