New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
