Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
