you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
