so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
