dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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