Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
