Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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