Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
