i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
you win again, gameday.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize