Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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