I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize