her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
All I want is dick and wine.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
