Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
it's like heaven, but drunker
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize