apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
