sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
