i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
