Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
