who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
