ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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