i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize