So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
