Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
