eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
