***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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