Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
