could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
