i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
