Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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