she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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