We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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