I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize