She said her name was "party"
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
