can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize