He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
