shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
