So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
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