well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
