I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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