38 yer olds are good kisserssss
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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