I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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