my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
