she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize