people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
