Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
