sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
