I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
