I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize