Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
