she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
