im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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