I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
