she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
