3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
i think my cat just said my name.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
