I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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