trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
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