clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
