We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
