Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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