whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
