last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
