I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
