omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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